Much rubbish is written about those prehistoric behemoths the dinosaurs. Now, for the first time on the internet, we present the truth about about dinosaurs and, in particular, how crap they really are.
Number 1: Tyrannosaurus Rex...
Tyrannosaurus got it's additional 'Rex' name due to it's partiallity to king size ciggies. "Rex" was frequently seen in prehistoric times pestering other dinosaurs for "spare fags"
Tyrannosaurus NEVER bought a round and had he lived in modern times would have drunk Special Brew.
He cultivated a 'hard man' image, frequently eating smaller dinosaurs, but underneath it all was chronically lacking in confidence.
Number 2: Brontosaurus...
Brontosaurus was the prehistoric world's equivalent of sheep. But far, far bigger. So big in fact, that if you were Welsh, you would need to be at least 40 metres (100 feet) tall to even attempt to shag a brontosaurus.
Like sheep, brontosaurs were very, very stupid. Most brontosaurs would not be able to spell their own name.
Number 3: Pteradactyls...
Much like pigeons today, Pteradactyls spent their lives flying around shitting on things and trying to steal scraps of food. It is worth pointing out however that being enormous, being shat on by a pteradactyl was liable to be fatal rather than merely leading to a trip to the dry cleaners. Pteradactyls eventually died out when the land dwelling dinosaurs decided they were vermin and stopped leaving crumbs and seed for them.
Number 4: Triceratops...
Triceratops is frequently portrayed in valiant battle with his adversary Tyrannosaurus Rex, the innocent victim of a vicious and nasty dinosaur. How far from the truth this is: for Triceratops made a habit of taunting Tyrannosaurus, offering it fags then running off, shouting abuse, and on occasions, spilling T Rex's pint. It is therefore only right and proper that the poor old Tyrannosaurus, on occasions, gave Triceratops a damned good shoeing to show who was boss.
Number 5: Stegosaurus...
The crappest of all dinosaurs, and perhaps the crappest vertebrate land animal of all time, Stegosaurus is famous for just one thing: being stupid. An oft quoted fact is that the Stegosaur had a brain the size of a walnut. Less well known is that the Stegosaur was deeply miserable and spent it's entire life pondering suicide. Sadly these creatures were far too stupid to actually work out how to kill themselves. When the asteroid finally arrived and decimated dinosaurs, the Stegosaurs collectively breathed a sigh of relief: 'at last.'
It is believed that modern day Goths may have inherited some genes from Stegasaurus.
More crap dinosaurs coming soon, if I can be bothered.