A Guide To Bird Spotting - NOT featuring former 'Goodie' Bill Oddie

For what is perhaps the first time in the last decade, we decided to produce a simple guide to bird spotting that DOES NOT feature former Goodie and well known 'twitcher' Bill Oddie. Not of course that we have anything against Mr Oddie (pictured left), but anytime you see anything on TV about bird spotting, there he is. All the time. In fact, we are starting to think that old Bill is the only bird spotter in existence. What's the big deal about it? They're only birds. I spotted several birds right outside the offices of Fetid only yesterday. Does it really need Bill with his night vision binoculars and camoflage to spot them? No, no, no. Read on...

The idea of bird spotting, or twitching as it is sometimes known, or so the likes of Bill Oddie would have us believe, is to spot feathered, generally flying, animals called birds. Now where is the difficulty in that? If Bill was still with Tim and Graeme and he was explaining how to ride a three-person bicycle, then we would all be more impressed. But no, these days he insists on stomping around the world in safari gear with a TV crew in tow 'spotting birds.'

But it need not be as complicated as Mr 'Ex-Goodie' Oddie likes to make out. Here are our three easy rules for bird spotting:

1. Do not leave your home
You need not leave the comfort of your home. There will be plenty of birds flying about and maybe even landing nearby. Take a look out of the window - see a bird? There you go - you are now a bird spotter.

2. Choose easy birds
Don't decide you want to spot a rare or unusual bird. Instead of trying to spot a golden eagle, try to spot a pigeon. This will make your spotting experience far, far easier.

3. Cheat
Rather than lying in wait in a cold field wearing half the contents of your local army and navy surplus store just so you can see some near extinct Darwinian loser of a bird, stay at home and just claim to have seen it. Rest assured that somebody else really will have seen it. Save your energy for something else instead, and have a beer to celebrate.

See? Birdspotting is easy. You certainly don't need Bill "I was in the Goodies once" Oddie to tell you how to do it.

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